


The Holiday Party

by kitkatt0430



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry really really really likes Julian, Barry would like to stop being traumatized by Hartley, David Singh and Rob Singh flirting with Hartley, Eddie lives!!!, Fluff and Crack, Hartley has no filter and no chill right now, Hartley is very very pleased by the development, Humor, Iris can be a bit of an obnoxious matchmaker sometimes, Julian is new to the department instead of suddenly having always been there, Julian knows Barry is the Flash already, M/M, Past Hartley Rathaway/Eobard Thawne | Harrison Wells, alternate season three-ish, but she means well, holiday party, no Savitar, the mistletoe is actually holly and this offends Iris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: In which Iris is determined to set her father up with DA Horton, Hartley falls head over heels for David and Rob Singh, and Barry is trying to work up the nerve to ask out Julian.  (Also there is some question as to the authenticity of the mistletoe.)
Relationships: Cecile Horton/Joe West, Eddie Thawne/Iris West, Hartley Rathaway/David Singh/Rob, Jesse "Quick" Wells/Wally West, Julian Albert/Barry Allen, Rob/David Singh
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36





	The Holiday Party

**Author's Note:**

> This started as the idea that Barry would be absolutely horrified if Hartley came to him for advice on how to seduce David and Rob and then spiraled from there.
> 
> Honestly, this is basically a crack fic, so don't really expect the characters to be particularly in character...

The CCPD has a yearly holiday party every winter. It's really just a thinly veiled Christmas party and if given the choice, Barry would skip the party.

Barry is never given the choice. The only time he did skip the party, it was due to being in a coma. And he's still not entirely convinced that they didn't dress him in an ugly Christmas sweater and slacks and plant his unconscious body in a corner for the evening, because attendance is really just that mandatory.

It's not even so much about the work party itself. Barry's typically okay with work functions - certainly he always enjoys the one for Halloween and the spring baseball games against the fire department. But the annual winter holiday party always turns into some kind of ordeal. Usually of a vaguely traumatizing nature.

This year, the feeling of dread begins while at STAR Labs. Barry hasn't even gotten the official work invitation/summons to his yearly doom yet. Hartley, who has popped around to help out as an excuse to test out his latest upgrades to his piper gloves, mentions that since he's reconciled with his parents he'll be attending the Policeman's Holiday Gala, which doubles as a fund raising and awareness event.

"Know any cute single guys on the force who'd be interested in flirting with me all night long?" Hartley asked, sounding a touch wistful. He'd been dating someone over the summer, but it hadn't worked out.

Barry thought of Julian and immediately balked because... that would be a terrible, terrible idea. Hartley and Julian were irritating enough on their own. It totally wasn't because Barry had been distracted the last few weeks since Julian found out he was the Flash, wondering what Julian's lips tasted like or anything of that nature. No, not at all.

"Nope. Sorry," Barry offered.

Hartley just sighed. "Well maybe I'll find someone at the party anyway."

Barry had wished him luck, but the foreboding feeling in his chest - that definitely wasn't panicked jealousy over the mere concept of Julian flirting with Hartley or anything like that - did not dissipate. Instead, when he showed up at Iris and Eddie's for dinner that evening, the feeling got worse.

"So, I need to know more about this DA Cecile Horton that Dad's been spending so much time with," Iris informed Barry and Eddie. "I need to know if I should be directing him away from her at the party or playing matchmaker. What's she like?"

"Nice?" Barry glanced warily at Eddie, who clearly shared his unease. 

"She's very competent at her job."

"Meta friendly," Barry added, since that was of particular import to him these days.

Eddie nodded in agreement. "She gets along really well with Joe."

"I think she has a daughter of her own about Wally's age," Barry continued.

"A year younger," Eddie agreed. "Name begins with a J. Jo-Anne or Joannie or something like that."

"She does seem to really like Joe. She got kind of flustered talking to him the other day," Barry recalled.

"And he was definitely flirting with her last week," Eddie added. "It was awkward. For me, anyway."

Iris snickered. "I have liked what little I've seen of her in the past," she allowed. "Obviously the final decision will have to be made at the party when I can get Wally's input too, but... I think she gets the stamp of approval."

"That's great, but maybe we should let Joe and Cecile figure things out for themselves, Iris." Barry knew she'd ignore the objection, but he had to try anyway. Eddie made a sound of agreement, so at least Barry wasn't alone in this.

"If we leave it up to Dad, he'll still be dancing around flirting with her by the time we're in our forties," Iris insisted. "He needs our help."

"He does not need our help," Barry muttered, rolling his eyes. But it was too late by then. Iris had her notebook out. "You know what," Barry said, looking at his watch with an exagerated motion, "it's late and I promised... Cisco and Caitlin I'd help out in the lab tonight. You know... Flash business."

"Really," Iris retorted flatly.

"Yup. Flash business."

"What's the meta?"

"They're spreading hallucinogenic mistletoe, but don't worry it's under control. Probably won't even be worth reporting on," he lied smoothly.

Eddie buried his face in his hands, laughing quietly.

Alright, maybe Barry's lie wasn't that smooth. It got him out of there anyway.

* * *

Iris starts showing up at the station more, clearly trying to get a sneaky look at Joe and Cecile interacting. Wally comes with her a few times, but he's more interested in finding out if he's a.) invited to the Gala too (which he is, being family) and b.) if it's cool if he were to say... bring Jesse as his date? (Which it is.)

Wally also seems to be of the opinion that Joe should be allowed to pursue Cecile at his own pace. Wally thus learns that there are some things one does not argue with Iris West-Thawne over.

"Iris has gone nuts," Wally declared, entering the lab and getting an amused look from Julian.

Seemed the other CSI had finally mellowed over Barry's occasional lab-guests.

"Is this about her wanting to play matchmaker for Joe and Cecile?" Barry asked.

"Yeah. I'm sure when Dad's ready to start dating again, he'll ask Cecile out. Why can't Iris just leave it alone?" Wally slumped against the wall beside the door. "I'm hiding in here until the coast is clear or Iris starts making sense again."

"That won't happen until after Valentine's day," Barry informed Wally morosely. "The Iris making sense part. I'm sure you'll be able to make a safe retreat from the station sooner than that."

Julian snickered. "So what's going on with Iris, then. Matchmaker fever?"

"Basically, yes," Barry shuddered. "Every year after Thanksgiving, she goes into matchmaker mode and it's really obnoxious. Especially if you're the one she's focused on. Which is usually me, so I'm very sorry to Joe but I'm cheerfully shoving him under the bus this year."

Wally snorted in amusement. "Good thing I'm already dating Jesse, then."

"Yeah. It could have very easily been you this year, so you dodged a bullet." Barry shook his head. "All the crap she gives me about dating Becky Cooper in high school, but half the reason I asked her out was so that Iris would stop trying to set me up with one of the football team members. He was only recently out of the closet and definitely not equipped to deal with Iris trying to play cupid." Barry would've liked to date Jason too, but Iris - though well meaning - had pretty much made that impossible. "I generally missed out on her matchmaking tendencies what with being out of state during college, but when I came back..." he shook his head. "I'd hoped she would've grown out of it, but no. Not at all."

"Who else has she tried to set you up with?" Wally asked. "Anyone I know?"

"Cisco. Who at least thought it was funny. But we really just did not click that way. Last year I was dating Patty and was safe from her machinations. And Eddie was able to keep her busy with wedding plans, which meant Joe was left alone too. But this year..."

"Nothing to distract her," Wally concluded.

"Where's an alien invasion when you need one?"

"Well, if this is the sort of drama I can expect at the gala, then thank goodness I won't be going," Julian opined.

Barry's head shot up. "You had an excuse not to go that Captain Singh actually accepted? That's not fair."

"What? I... I was just... not planning on going," Julian said, sounding a little concerned now. 

"Yeah... he's going to make you go. We have to talk science to the donors so that they'll fork over more money. They'll have no idea what we're saying and honestly we could toss in an explanation for how warp cores on _Star Trek_ work and it'd still generally get smiles and nods and 'oh that's so interesting' and I absolutely hate it. But Captain Singh will not let me skip." Barry watched Julian's face fall.

"And if he won't let you skip, odds are I'm sunk too."

"If you don't have a tux, I know a nice rental place," Barry told him. "No price gouging."

"I have a tux," Julian grumbled. "I just don't want to have to wear it."

* * *

The look on Julian's face the next morning when Barry sees him leaving the Captain's office tells him all he needs to know about Julian's attendance at the party being mandatory too.

"I don't want to," Julian grumbled, dropping into his desk chair. "Doesn't that count for anything at all?"

"Nope." Barry gave him a conciliatory look. "Maybe it won't be so bad now that it's two of us instead of just me."

"Sounds more like a misery loves company sort of situation really," Julian grumbled.

"Does that make me misery and you company?" Barry asked teasingly, wondering if Julian would notice the flirting in there. Maybe flirt back a little himself.

Julian's cheeks did seem to grow a little flushed. "Ah, well..."

But then a detective walked in to speak with Julian on a case and the topic of the party fell to the wayside.

* * *

On the night of the gala, both Julian and Barry were on call.

"It's callous to be hoping for a meta based crime tonight, isn't it?" Julian asked Barry forlornly.

"Probably. And yet I'm still wishing anyway," Barry muttered in response, grimacing as the Mayor - who was definitely dirty, Barry just couldn't prove it yet - came over to shake hands with 'two of Central City's finest forensic minds'.

That's only the first of many who want to shake their hands and pick their brains, including the Rathaways - sans Hartley, whom Barry's been keeping a casual eye out for if only to keep him from flirting with Julian. Eventually the two are finally left alone to have drinks and eat nibbles from the refreshment table.

From there, Barry finally has a good view of the entire room. Iris is clearly cajoling Joe into asking Cecile for a dance. Wally and Jesse are already on the dance floor. And Hartley is... having a very intense conversation with Captain Singh and his husband. Something about that last part makes Barry very nervous.

Still, no one seems to be looking for Barry specifically anymore, which could very well mean he's officially free to do whatever he wants for the rest of the night. What he'd like to do is ask Julian to dance. But the words stick in his throat, so he drinks more of the punch instead.

Eventually someone does finally seek Barry out. It's Hartley, because of course it is. Barry is absolutely determined to keep him from flirting with Julian, though.

Barry's not losing out on yet another crush just because his anxiety issues get in his way all the time. He's not.

"Do you know if David and Rob are, like, interested in polyamory? Even slightly? I will happily accept one-night-stand threesome because... oh my god they're both so hot and smart and funny..."

Julian choked. Barry sighed in relief because obviously Hartley was not going to be flirting with Julian tonight after all.

And then what Hartley'd actually said clicked and Barry choked too.

"I think I'm in love," Hartley continued, just staring dreamily at Barry's boss and boss's husband.

"Hartley," Barry said cautiously, "I am really not the person to ask."

"Oh, hey, they're looking over here," Hartley grinned, completely ignoring Barry now as he waved at the two men with an adoring expression on his face.

"I'm going to get another drink," Julian said, swanning off and completely abandoning Barry to his fate.

"Traitor," Barry muttered.

"They're just so pretty," Hartley muttered.

"They're both about ten years older than you," Barry pointed out.

"I tend to like older men. The age gap between myself and Harrison was a lot weirder," Hartley pointed out.

Barry closed his eyes and wished, not for the first time, for brain bleach. "I'd just managed to forget you slept with him," Barry complained.

"He was hot. How was I supposed to know he was a secret time traveling murderer?" Hartley shrugged. "It's not like I was the only one with a crush on him. Cisco won't admit to it now of course, but he had a major crush on him too. As did Caitlin and Ronnie."

Conversations that Barry was never, ever having with his friends. Especially since he'd also had a crush on the fake Harrison Wells.

"Can we go back to you traumatizing me with your crush on my boss and my boss's husband now?" Barry complained.

Hartley snickered. No mercy in that one.

"You know, Captain Singh used to babysit me and Iris for Joe," Barry said, figuring he might as well give Hartley some info. "I barely know Rob, but David has actually been in a polyamorous relationship before. It did not work out well, though, and I don't know any more than that."

"Thank you!" Hartley hugged Barry and then sighed as he caught sight of his parents. "I'm being summoned. Thanks for the intel. I owe you one, especially if I end up going home with them tonight."

Julian returned with two cups of punch, one he handed over to Barry.

"You abandoned me," Barry accused him.

"Swiftly and without regret," Julian confirmed.

Barry laughed and accepted the fresh drink.

* * *

Barry had thought that Hartley digging for information on Captain Singh and Rob's availability would be the weirdest moment of the party. It was not.

"So, Barry, you know Hartley Rathaway pretty well, right?" Rob asked, while his husband looked at him in amusement.

Well enough that in another life they'd tried to kill each other, so there was that... obviously Barry didn't say that out loud. Tempted though he was.

"He does contract work for STAR Labs sometimes and he hangs out with Cisco, Caitlin, and me sometimes," Barry allowed. They were friends even, but not when Barry was getting used as a source of information for a potential threesome that he didn't want to know anything about.

How was this even his life?

"What would you say his type is? I mean... what kind of men would he be interested in?" Rob continued.

David Singh had no right to look this amused when Barry was this distressed. Honestly, it wasn't fair at all.

"You and your husband," Barry finally said, deciding to go for blunt. 

At least the Captain was now too busy choking on his punch to be quietly laughing at Barry on the inside. Julian also choked on his punch, which Barry patted him on the back and gave him concerned looks for. He hadn't meant to scandalize Julian, just... get the Captain and his husband to go away and seduce Hartley somewhere that was not here. Where Barry had to be aware of said seduction.

"You're sure?" Rob asked, patting his husband's shoulder sympathetically. "It's just, he's really intelligent and hot, but we weren't sure if he'd be interested in joining an established relationship..."

"Oh my god, Rob, please shut up," David begged, his amusement having completely done a one-eighty and turned into pure panic.

Served him right.

"I'm sure. I'm very sure. Please, just go ask him out already." Barry shooed them off and then immediately turned and buried his face against Julian's shoulder. "Is the torture over yet?"

"Honestly, I really don't know," Julian sighed, reaching up to lightly pet Barry's hair.

It felt so nice, having those long fingers scratch lightly against Barry's scalp.

* * *

"I can't believe it!" Iris held out a sprig of holly at Barry. "What does this look like to you?"

"Um..." was this a trick question? "Fake holly?"

"Exactly. Fake holly. Not mistletoe. It's everywhere there's supposed to be mistletoe. How am I supposed to manipulate dad and Cecile into kissing tonight if there's no mistletoe for the kissing in doorways tradition?" Iris was pouting now.

Barry looked at Eddie who was just wide eyed and shaking his head 'no'. Though to be perfectly honest Barry had no idea what Eddie was trying to signal there. "First of all, I want to thank you for being honest that you're manipulating them and, second, I'd like you to consider that manipulating people - especially when one of them is someone you love - is a bad thing, Iris."

Iris glared at Barry. "You and Julian seem awfully cozy together tonight," she threatened.

They had been awfully cozy, hadn't they? Until Julian had valiantly run away at the first sign of a frustrated Iris headed their way.

"Maybe Joe and Cecile won't pay enough attention to realize it's fake holly instead of fake mistletoe," Barry offered, his voice definitely not going up in pitch from his desperation not to become Iris' new target.

She peered at him suspiciously, considered the holly in her hands, and then sighed. "I guess? I mean... holly does get substituted for mistletoe in a lot of tv shows and movies. So maybe they'll see the green and the berries and just kiss anyway."

Iris is still contemplating the fake holly - which really doesn't look anything like mistletoe, so Barry couldn't begin to guess why it got used as a mistletoe substitute in the first place - when Julian actually comes back.

"Mrs. West-Thawne, Detective Thawne. It's so lovely to see you both tonight," Julian greeted pleasantly. "I'm so sorry to interrupt like this, but Barry did promise me a dance tonight, so..."

"That's right," Barry jumped on Julian's offer of an out like it was a life line. "Dancing. Totally agreed to dance tonight. With Julian. Bye." And then Barry was headed to the dance floor and contemplating kissing Julian for the rescue. "You'll have to lead," Barry told him, instead of going through with the kiss. "I'm much better at following when it comes to dancing."

Blushing, Julian pulled Barry close as the music changed to a slow dance.

"Thanks for coming back to rescue me," Barry added.

"Yes, well, I felt bad about abandoning you a second time," Julian confessed.

"My hero." Barry grinned and leaned against Julian's shoulder again as they swayed to the beat of the music. And then he hummed happily as Julian pulled him just that little bit closer.

* * *

"Hey Barry," Jesse said, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey Julian. Have either of you seen Wally? Iris recruited me for a super secret special mission and now that I'm done, I seem to have misplaced my date."

"Super secret special mission," Barry repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd probably have to hide you on Earth-2 and report back to Iris that I'd killed you," Jesse replied, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried to keep her expression somber.

"He's over there," Julian offered, gesturing to where Wally was standing, partially hidden behind Joe.

"Awesome, thanks Julian." Jesse waved and hurried off at normal-human speeds to rejoin her boyfriend.

"How much do you want to bet she was planting holly over the doors and other strategic locations for Iris," Barry asked.

"Holly? Shouldn't that be mistletoe?" Julian asked with a frown.

"Apparently fake holly is the only thing available. Iris is having to make due with what she's got." Barry grinned as Julian made an amused noise.

"Your family is ridiculous," Julian told him.

"Yeah, I know."

"They asked me on a date!" came the sound of Hartley's voice behind Barry.

Julian rolled his eyes. "And so are your friends."

"Please don't abandon me to him again," Barry hissed.

"On Saturday we're going to see a play and have dinner and if I am lucky I will get to go back to their place for drinks and then breakfast," Hartley was looking incredibly pleased with himself. Definitely a cat that ate the canary expression.

Barry snorted in amusement. "Good for you, Hartley. I hope your date goes well. I want none of the details afterwards because, as I've said repeatedly, Captain Singh is my boss and there are some things that cannot be unheard. My psyche has taken enough hits these last few years; please do not mentally scar me further."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Hartley said, and Barry couldn't tell if he was genuinely agreeing or being flippant. "Also apparently there's are two crime scenes, so you're both needed back at the precinct, though David wants to talk to you both first."

"Thanks," Julian replied sincerely, before leading the way over to the Captain.

Captain Singh gives them a quick run down of the night's crimes. Two robberies on the opposite sides of town. One that was suspected to be Shawna Baez and the other a new meta who might be able to walk through walls. They'd each have to take one and gather the evidence, though as per usual with being on call the lab work could wait until their usual work hours. Once they'd finished processing the scenes, they could each go home.

"I'm going to head to the station and change into my spare clothes there. Grab my kit while I'm at it," Barry said as he headed out the door with Julian. "What about you?"

"Same," Julian replied. "I took an uber to get here so do you think I could... uh... hitch a ride?"

Barry nodded, grinning at the thought of getting to hold Julian in his arms, even if it wasn't for long. "Let's head over there first. No cameras and no one watching so it should be a good take off point."

Julian blushed. "Right, of course." 

Once there, Barry scooped Julian up in his arms and ran, coming to a stop inside their lab. He put Julian down and then steadied the other man as he pulled out of flashtime. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Julian was leaning into Barry's touch, however, and just a little breathless. "That was exhilarating."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. A lot of people don't."

"I think I know what Jesse was doing with the holly," Julian said abruptly. "And I'm not so sure you escaped Iris' matchmaking net after all." Julian pointed up to where there was indeed a sprig of holly hanging over their heads, just inside the doorway.

"It's not really mistletoe," Barry hedged.

"But it's the thought that counts," Julian declared, leaning in to kiss Barry firmly on the mouth.

(Barry definitely needs to have a talk with Iris about boundaries and letting people move at their own pace and then probably circle back around to boundaries. But that can wait until after he's thanked her for sending Jesse to place the fake holly in his lab.)

Julian's kiss is amazingly distracting and Barry wants it to go on forever. Unfortunately there are crime scenes to investigate.

"We'll meet back here," Julian declared, "once the evidence is gathered. And then, if you want, we could go back to my place. There's a lovely cafe on the ground floor of my building that makes wonderful breakfast pastries." He grinned, a touch wickedly. "Rathaway doesn't have to be the only one on Team Flash flaunting a new relationship, after all."

Barry grinned. "It's a date."


End file.
